The BMW G 310 GS
And the Honda CRF250L Rally
#134 Changing the Rules, Mixing My Emotions
All Rights Reserved © 2015 Thomas W. Day
On the last October weekend of the 2014 MMSC training season, I taught a “Seasoned Rider” class (aka Experienced Rider Course, ERC, BRC II, etc.) for a few Polaris company employees. Because the course had some experimental qualities (“There will be a test.”), the course was prepaid to the college regardless of the number of students. Saturday morning was right at freezing and no one was compelled (either by work or because they’d laid down $60) to be there, so only four students showed up. On top of that, due to the lateness in the season and the “test,” the Polaris employees were allowed to ride the course on the state’s 250-and-under motorcycles, instead of bringing their own rides. Due to those points, I was the only guy on the range who rode to the range. The first 3 1/2 hours were identical to the usual course, but it was pretty obvious that we all had a different kind of edge on due to the impending “evaluation” (PC for “test”). The students, because they were in a pass/fail situation and instructors because we’d never conducted a BRC II with a test at the end.The big exception to this course was the students were offered the choice of riding their own bikes or the state’s. Because it was specially offered to Polaris employees by Polaris and some of them are beginning motorcycle owners and may or may not actually own a motorcycle, it made for an interesting experiment. By design and purpose, the BRC II is intended, I think, to be ridden on the students’ bikes. At least, that’s the way we’ve always done the course as long as I’ve known about it. And, of course, there has not been an evaluation at the end to determine what has been learned in the course during the time I’ve been an instructor. That has not always been the case, though.
I took my first prototype-ERC at Willow Springs Raceway, back in the late 1980’s. It wasn’t called the ERC, as I remember, but I don’t remember what it was called. There was a fair amount of lecture along with the usual emergency stop, obstacle avoidance, turning, and riding technique instruction. There was a short performance test at the end of the course and, as I remember, we were presented with a certificate that could be used for a drivers’ training discount with our insurance companies. The next time I took the course was in Denver, at Bandimere Speedway, the drag racing track. The “range” was a marked-up and coned section of the speedway where the cart racing is today. The course used the same kind of exercises, along with an opportunity to play panic-braking on their big training-wheeled 500 Nighthawk. You could wind up the bike to about 40-50mph and hammer the brakes and the skids kept the Nighthawk from falling over. I don’t think there was a test with that course. The last time I took the course as a student was in Minnesota on the Guidant parking lot in Arden Hills. The parking lot had been oiled earlier that week and employee cars had been sliding into each other at low speeds, morning and evening. I know because I worked there. I usually bicycled to work, so I missed out on the parking lot fun until Saturday at the ERC. The course continued the sliding and crashing the cars had demonstrated earlier in the week. Almost everyone in the class crashed at least once and a lot of chrome and plastic looked worse for the wear. I “anticipated” the emergency swerve exercise because I didn’t think my Yamaha TDM would look better coated in greasy black oil. The next week, another asphalt contractor cleaned and recoated the parking lot, this time with materials that didn’t come from the county oil recycling sludge pit. That’s the history of my student experience with the ERC and it’s ancestors and all of that was on my own motorcycles.
That behind me, I had a little built-in resistance to teaching the course to “experienced riders” on what most of those riders would consider to be “beginner bikes.” The fact is, a lot of experienced riding course students do not ride well enough to be called “experienced.” Maybe that’s the motivation for the recent renaming of those classes as “Basic Rider Course II” or “Seasoned Rider Course.” Another fact I have often expressed is that I think about 90% of Minnesota motorcyclists choose motorcycles that require skill levels far beyond the riders’ capabilities. Unlike ABATE, the AMA (the motorcycle group, not the doctors’ AMA), and the Industry, I believe tiered licensing is just common sense and that our current license testing is a joke. Not a funny joke, but a cruel, sarcastic, vicious joke that costs lives and billions of dollars in death and injury. From observing street riders over half-a-century and training them for a dozen years, I’d estimate about 50% of Minnesota riders should be limited to 250cc-and-under motorcycles, 90% should be limited to 650cc-and-under, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the 10% who are smart, competent, and safe enough to be on 650cc-and-above would probably choose to ride their big bikes on closed courses 90% of the time.
All that baggage under my belt, we started this course with a little apprehension. A lot of my doubts dissolved quickly, though. After the first couple of exercises it became clear that our students were riding a lot more aggressively and testing their skills more confidently than the typical BRC II class. Some of this was because this was a younger-than-typical class, but I have to give a substantial credit to the fact that we all ride small bikes more competently and confidently than large ones. We decided that I’d administer the test, since I’d studied the BRC II test procedure and had a couple of on-line conversations with California MSF instructors who’d done the test in the BRC II’s early years. The BRC II test is more like the DOT’s test. Which means all four sections of the test are performed by each student, more or less non-stop. More concentration is required, along with competence, memory, and attention, all qualities directly related to being safe on the road. Again, this was a small class filled with better-than-typical students, but at the end they all scored well enough to be qualified as MSF instructors.
I thought about this class for several days afterwards. There are some subversive reasons I am inclined to like the whole concept. The test is more important than I’d imagined. We often have old, unskilled, and/or arrogant riders who simply ride through the harder exercises on their abysmal hippobikes, imagining that there is no relationship between low speed closed course exercises and their delusional “real world.” The apehanger crowd that is overrepresented in mortality/morbidity statistics is typical of this character. Handing them a card that indicates successful completion of the course is particularly galling. Mostly what that group achieves is four hours of an out-of-control riding demonstration on an overweight, unmanageable motorcycle that has put the other riders and the instructors at risk. Most of that alcohol-demented bunch would totally blow the BRC II test because they’d forget half of it before they left the gate. If they were allowed to perform the test on a small bike or their own, the result would probably be the same; massive failure. Nearest and dearest to my heart, allowing these intermediate-level riders to do the course on our small motorcycles might encourage some of them to consider, or reconsider, their choice of motorcycle. A tiny percentage of riders might discover that “small is fun” and take that lesson to the street. If that, alone, happened, I’d be all for letting BRC II riders take the class on whatever motorcycle they chose.
REVIEW: Adam Howe - Tijuana Donkey Showdown
Genre: Pick One!
Publisher: Comet Press
Publication Date: 9th December 2016
Pages: 230
REVIEWED BY NEV
A copy of Tijuana Donkey Showdown was sent to Confessions of a Reviewer by the author Adam Howe in exchange for an honest review. This is said review. This book is published by Comet Press.
It is no secret that I absolutely love Adam Howe’s writing. Anything I have read from him before gives me the greatest of pleasure both during the reading, and once I have finished. You cannot help but have a huge smile on your face for days after finishing one of his books. They are that good.
His mixture of genres is superb. His last book, Die Dog or Eat The Hatchet, mixed up horror and comedy and southern noir with splattering’s of crime and mystery and a host of other genres to boot.
One of the stories in it was Damn Dirty Apes where the unlikely hero, Reggie Levine has to battle all sorts of unspeakable things to survive, and keep his reputation intact.
Tijuana Donkey Showdown is the sequel to Damn Dirty Apes. It was a no brainer that I was going to pick this one up.
This is what I thought.
It’s two for one day at Confessions!
REVIEW ONE:
Go buy it. Don’t read anyone’s review, including mine, they will not do it justice!
REVIEW TWO:
Reggie is still on the road to recovery after his escapade with the Skunk Ape.
Trying to get on with life, and make it as quiet as possible, he gets roped into helping dodgy car salesman, Harry, when his crested terrier goes missing.
Reggie thinks the job should be easy enough but as per normal, it all goes terribly wrong, plunging Reggie into another scenario that leaves him battered and bruised and wishing he just didn’t bother.
Enter Enrique. A famous donkey with a secret to share but not one that will benefit Reggie.
It’s time for the showdown!
So, characters wise in this one you have a plethora of absolutely wonderful people that will make you warm to them and hate them in equal measure and equally as quick.
Our main man is once again Reggie. A has been boxer turned bouncer at The Henhouse, he seems to attract trouble like a Kardashian attracts publicity. Some of it is laughable and some of it is deadly serious. Reggie would be the sort of man you would feel sorry for on one hand and just walk away from on the other. Walt is back as the owner of The Henhouse and is as ornery as always.
There are loads of other characters in this that are just too many to mention. Nazi drug dealers, strippers, well hung donkeys and the normal run of the mill losers that Bigelow has to offer.
The plot is not easy to describe because of the complications that arise throughout the story. It is simple enough in that Reggie must get Harry’s dog back. The complicated bit comes when the Nazi drug dealers and Enrique, the well-hung donkey, make an appearance. To tell you any more about it would spoil it and, believe me, you really need to read this to get the true effect of the story as it happens.
So, what is the book like? Genius. Pure genius. I have no other words to describe it. This story is perfect in every single way.
Adam Howe is a writing master. I’m forty-eight years of age. I have had many heroes throughout my life. Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Nicolas Cage. None of them come anywhere close to Reggie Levine. The man is just superb. He is a big soft shite that would do anything for anyone while at the same time being tough as nails and prepared to take on anyone or anything. He attracts problems and shakes them off just as easily. Most importantly, when you read the story through his eyes, you discover the dry, sarcastic sense of humour that will have you peeing your pants as you read.
Again, Adam Howe is a genius. This man hails from London yet this story is set in the deep south and you would think Mr Howe was born and bred there. His grasp of the language, the settings of the landscape, the clothes, the cars and anything else that you read about in his books, make you believe you are truly living in the story. It makes you believe he has been sitting in the bar himself watching everything happen. It makes you believe whatever he wants you to believe.
This needs to be on the big screen. It needs to be a series on TV. It would be the most popular thing since Game of Thrones. It has everything to be successful.
Adam Howe writes some of the funniest stuff I have ever read in my life. I nearly got thrown off a bus for belly laughing. I nearly got caught in work when I couldn’t resist reading another little bit to see what happened next. Again, it was a belly laugh that I couldn’t stop.
I could keep going all night but I just feel like I am talking total crap. I simply cannot put into words just how fantastically brilliant this book is. It is everything I would want a book to be and so much more.
To summarise: if this isn’t on your shelf a week after it comes out then you are stupid. End of.
General rating:
★★★★★ could not give it any less.
Rating for everything else:
★★★★★ and again
As an added bonus, you get another short story in the book.
This is what I thought of it.
CLEAN-UP ON AISLE 3
Donnie needs some cash. The Kwik Stop seems to be the easiest target for him. It’s late so it should be easy cash with no trouble.
He didn’t bank on a shopkeeper with a history and a thirst for revenge.
This is a fairly simple tale of a thief looking for easy cash and a shop that should have a till full of it. Donnie didn’t bank on coming up against a shopkeeper who has been there before and doesn’t like to part with his cash without a fight.
This is brutal. Donnie is an obvious criminal but when things start to go against him you can’t help but feel for him. On the other hand, when you find things out later in the story you are totally behind the shopkeeper.
This is a totally different type of story to Tijuana Donkey Showdown. No humour in this one. It gives you a slight taste of what Adam Howe can do when he decides to go straight. To be perfectly honest with you, he does the straight stuff as well as anyone. You will cringe and you will gag at some of the scenes in this one. It’s fight or run, live or die stuff and it becomes so desperate that you can’t see anyone surviving it.
Wonderful writing that is so fast paced and full of energy that you will not get a breath until you are finished.
General Rating:
★★★★★ superb again.
Rating for everything else:
★★★★★ yup, again.
So, there you go. Tijuana Donkey Showdown in a nutshell. I’ve said it before but Adam Howe is a genius. His writing is fantastic. He can write in any style and any genre and make it his own.
You will go through every emotion known to man when you read his books. And every single one of them will be used to its maximum.
I have a complaint. Write faster Mr Howe! The world needs more Reggie!
If you would like to help support Confessions of a Reviewer, then please consider using the links below to buy Tijuana Donkey Showdown or any other books from Adam. This not only supports me but also lets me know how many people actually like to buy books after reading my reviews.
Thanks.
Book Synopsis:
Reggie Levine, ex-boxer turned bouncer, and hapless hero, has barely recovered from his ordeal in Damn Dirty Apes, when he is called back to action. Recruited to a retrieve a Chinese crested terrier from a fleapit roadside zoo, where the ugly effing showdog has been mistaken for the chupacabra, Reggie finds himself embroiled in a deadly criminal conspiracy involving neo-Nazi drug smugglers, a seedy used-car salesman, a wannabe serial killer, an ornery Vietnam veteran, a badass veterinarian, a freakishly endowed adult entertainment donkey named Enrique, and in an explosive cameo, an Academy Award winning Hollywood icon.
From Adam Howe, writer of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, Black Cat Mojo, and the winner of Stephen King’s On Writing contest, comes another slice of pulp Southern crime, 80s action, pop Americana, and pitch-black comedy.
CONFESSIONS REVIEWS ADAM HOWE
Adam Howe writes the twisted fiction your mother warned you about. A British writer of fiction and screenplays, he lives in London with his partner, their daughter, and a hellhound named Gino.
Writing as Garrett Addams, his short story Jumper was chosen by Stephen King as the winner of the international On Writing contest, and published in the paperback/Kindle editions of King’s memoir.
His fiction has appeared in places like Nightmare Magazine, Thuglit, Mythic Delirium, and Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volume 1. He is the author of Tijuana Donkey Showdown, and two novella collections, Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, and Black Cat Mojo.
In the pipeline: the occult thriller Scapegoat, co-written with James Newman, a horror/crime collaboration with Adam Cesare, and 80s action throwback, One Tough Bastard.
And for more about Adam, visit his site or find him on social media:
The Times They Are A-Changin.
It’s been a funny old time this past couple of weeks in the Confessions office.
Everything is changing. In fact, I am in probably the biggest transitional period of my life. Ever.
A lot of you will know what’s going on but many of you may not. That is the reason for this post.
I have just become unemployed from the day job. This is mostly by choice but also due to enormous changes within the unit I was working in. It seemed a fantastic idea at the time because of life choices, and plans that myself and my wife Jo had in place to totally change the direction our life was taking, and to try and finally make something for ourselves and live out the dreams we have had for many years.
Now the break from the day job has been made, it is scaring the hell out of me. I didn’t expect to feel like this. Maybe it is just the adjustment to not having to get up and spend three hours a day travelling to and from a job I hated with a passion. Maybe it is the fact that now, I have to put in place all the plans I had in my head and for whatever reason, they don’t want to come out of my head and materialise into a workable plan that will make those dreams become a reality. It will happen. I just need to get over the fear of all the new stuff and get on with it.
To that end, I just wanted to let you all know that Confessions may be a bit quiet over this next few weeks. We will still be reviewing and posting as often as possible. It will not be as frequent though until things settle down. I need to use as much of my time and energy in the most constructive way possible to put plans in place to ensure that the implementation of my business ideas and the setting up of Jo’s new business take priority. It is our new livelihood after all.
There are exciting things just around the corner. The new Confessions website isn’t too far away. I thought I would give you a sneak preview of our new logo.
Also, not too far away is a new branch of Confession’s. This is my own new venture that is very exciting for me and that will hopefully have me interacting more with a lot of you author types in trying to help in whatever way I can to promote and manage all aspects of the promotional side of things for you, so you can get on with the important task of writing more stuff for all your fans.
I will let you all know what this is about very soon and post more details as I have them, so keep watching the site for details.
So, I thank you for your patience. If we are quiet for a time, do not panic, we are not going anywhere. Just regrouping and coming back even stronger! This will start tomorrow night with a review of a book that may just be one of my all-time favourites and one that you really need on your shelf!
Thanks again for your continued support and for visiting Confessions of a Reviewer!
Nev.
